4 Things a Stepmom Appreciates in Her Husband
I looked at him and think, "We've come so far."
Over twenty years ago, I met my husband in his office, through work. He was handsome and dashing, a man of few words. Two weeks later, I met his son, who was even more handsome than him.
Two years after I met my husband, we got married after a whirlwind romance that threw us together in love and affection. Twenty years and beyond, I am in awe of the life with live. We have come so far, with joys and triumphs, trials and troubles. What I am proudest of is the steadfast love we have built among all of us in the family. Our love has transcended boundaries, tying our blended family in a loving knot. A knot, not a bow or a ribbon because I would like to think that we converge and embrace, forming a steadfast unity.
All of what we are as a blended family, all of what I am as a stepmother can easily be attributed to my husband, the father.
Here are four things about him that have tremendously helped me navigate stepmotherhood.
Affectionate, in a way that the children must see how much he loves me.
More than once, he let his eldest son bring me the flowers and fruit bouquets he bought for Valentine’s Day, my birthday, or our anniversary. He openly showed his expressions of love. He let the children help him with his gestures of love. This played a role in extinguishing awkwardness in the early peiod of our marriage. It helped the children sense the normalcy of married life, even as we were blending a family.
Respectful, in a way that he appreciates my side of parenting the children.
He allows me to have my way of parenting the children. If I am wrong or when he finds my way off the table, he holds my hand, and reminds me privately. He does not step in abruptly to resolve things but allows me to ‘fix things’ on my own so that I regain my ground as the more present parent.
Open-minded, in a way that he listens to me even if I just want to vent out my feelings.
Often, I am afraid to talk about how a stepchild hurt me because it may be misconstrued as hate or mere complain but my husband encourages me to talk about it, allows me to be angry when I need to be and gives me space, soothes me until my vent is over so that I may hold the rails again.
Protective, in a way that he enforces boundaries when needed so that I can feel secure and safe.
A stepmother is mostly threatened when she feels excluded, when there are conflicts with the stepchildren and when family privacy is intruded. During these instances, my husband draws the line and put all of us in our place until we are ready to harmonize once again. He is protective of me but he makes sure the children do not feel aggrieved.
I have said it before and I will say it again. A stepmother’s journey is only as good as the husband’s love and support. Without it, the path is fraught with treacherous uncertainties. With the husband as the anchor, insecurity is kept at bay, trust and understanding are cultivated and raising the family becomes a journey of “we.”
Birds of Paradise, a walk through white bougainvillea paths and a Napoletana pizza.
Last week, I discovered the m_other_art account on IG, a community that unites stepmom artists to empower art and redefine narratives. A first-of-its kind, the stepmom art exhibit was held at The Oculus in NYC last week, from March 13-17, gathering stepmother voices to celebrate the out-of-the-box motherhood journey.
Follow them on the gram here.
You've got a good man. It's also good that you are able to see what he's doing and appreciate it.