📝 A Stepmom Story: How Many Kids Do You Have?
It is never simple for me.
“How many kids do you have?” is a simple question. Most mothers will answer without any hesitation. For me, a stepmother, the question is loaded with layers of love, loyalty, and many complications.
Do I say just my biological child? Or should I include the stepchildren? Do I enumerate them all, risking probing into my private life? Or do I answer from the heart? This usually consists of a heartfelt narrative of my role and what it is like being a stepmom.
It is tricky because…
If I respond with only my biological child as the answer, it would seem I am discounting the stepchildren.
If I respond with a list of all the children, there is a big possibility of being asked follow-up questions === those I am not comfortable answering. It is prudent to be cautious about sharing my story with those whose intentions are unclear. It is not easy to detect whether questions arise out of care or gossip.
If I respond with a list of all the children, I feel there may be a risk of unintentionally diminishing the role of the biological mother. I don’t want that.
How do I answer?
“I have children. One I gave birth to. Some I inherited out of love. But they are mine in ways that matter.”
NOT!
To someone who asks, this might be a cuckoo answer. 😅
So when asked, “How many kids do you have?”
“4!” I answer nonchalantly and quickly chattering about how the kids are all doing great, lightheartedly returning the question, “And you?”
Paris interiors at La Mere Catherine.
Admittedly, I found it hard to find stepmom resources as I navigated the blended family life. Fast forward to today, there is a trove or resources on the web and I am enjoying searching far and wide for those that speak to me. The Evil Stepmother Speaks is a fresh find for me. It is full of stories and references and support avenues. I have yet to know Barb, the author and surely, not evil! I’ve started with her piece on Stepfamily Math, which makes me laugh at a very real scenario. Though I am not certain if the site is current, it still is worth looking at here.
I have a stepson and I had a miscarriage. I would like to answer 2! But I fear it will be too awkward afterwards.