A Stepmother's Letter to Her Biological Son

You are my first-born but you are not my eldest child.

Photo by Alexander Grey on Unsplash

My Dearest Son,

God bless the day that you were born into this world. To say that I have changed since you were brought into my life is an understatement.

Before you, I was already a mother. A mother to your step-siblings, as the world calls it. But to us, you were just baby brother. I remember when your elder sisters hovered over my big tummy, waiting for your ‘kick’ from within, watching the ripples on my stomach as you moved around. How proudly they beamed at me when you made them feel your presence!

When I finally gave birth to you, I remember your elder sisters, making a fuss to go inside the hospital room to see you but ended up going home disappointed because they were not allowed to go through.

When I finally took you home, they were the little angels that welcomed you. Since then, they helped me raise you and love you unconditionally, no matter what.

Your entry into our lives made it easier for the family to blend perfectly. You served as a testament of unconditional love and a bridge to understand the gaps of a blended home against the traditional and nuclear definitions of a family. You were there to bring us all together to daily live out the bursting affection that your presence held.

On a personal level, you helped me become a better (step)mother to your siblings. Before you, I used to think I was doing well as their stand-in mother figure. When you came along, there was a shift in my mothering where I found myself more protective, more nurturing and more caring. It was no longer easy for me to leave them alone with the nanny or a relative. It was no longer enough to just provide for their needs. I had to see them eat well, sleep soundly and wake up properly. I had to make time to talk to their teachers. I had to bring them everywhere with me, if I can. Truly, when I gave birth to you, you gave me a stronghold of how it is to be a mother.

On a more intimate level, I need to tell you ‘I am sorry.” You are my first born but you are not my eldest child. You came into this world, where you found yourself sharing all at once. I was the eldest in the family. Until your aunt Karrie came along, I had three years having my parents and the home all to myself, being showered lavishly with what they can give me. I am not sorry that you were blessed with the art of sharing. It’s a blessing. I am sorry that almost always, I had to be extra-conscious in making choices for you to make sure that your siblings will not feel excluded. I am sorry that I always had ‘blended’ considerations to keep the peace and nurture the love. I am sorry that my time with you was somewhat lessened because I want to give time to your siblings as well. For all this, you have seen how Dad gives you the extra attention as I know he knew of my daily dilemmas, to make sure that our son is completely loved.

I am proud of how you love the family, especially your siblings. I am proud of your good and kind heart. I am certain this has been nurtured by the ‘blended’ nature of our family where in your tender years, I saw you wake up with the purest of love for me, your Dad and your siblings.

If you can love your siblings that much, how can I not? If they could love you so hard, how can I not love them back?

Thank you for teaching us kindness and love, understanding and letting go.

On your birthday , you wished for meeting one of your long-lost step-siblings. I find this wish another noble testament to how you have grown as a person. The journey continues for you. I pray that your path will blessed with faith, love and meaningful success.

Happy birthday son. Mom loves you very much!

Heart and soul,

Mom