📝 A Stepmom Story: Caught Offguard

Stepmom moments can be a different kind of crazy.

Photo by Vladislav Muslakov on Unsplash

There are crazy mothering moments. And there are stepmothering moments that can be described as a different kind of crazy.

Being a part of my husband’s third attempt at forever, there is a lot I do not know about his past. (which I think must stay that way) But because we thrive in the same community as his past families, I sometimes unknowingly encounter fragments of his past that subject me and the family to vulnerability.

One time, a neighbor jogged with me. I was pulled into small talk. She asked about my stepchildren. Because she seemed nice, I engaged. Later, I was told some information I gave her reached the bio mom, and the whole context became blurry.

Today, I was in the company hospital to take my son for a medical examination. As I was in the waiting room, a woman approached me excitedly. She seemed to know me. I cannot recall knowing her. I conversed with her politely trying to figure things out. My son came out of the x-ray room. She called my son by my stepson’s name. That’s when I knew she was somehow associated with my husband’s ex. She then pulled my son and took a picture with me. She said goodbye hastily. In less than fifteen minutes, my stepdaughter sent me a picture with the message, “Mom, who took your picture with her? This was sent to my mother. Mommy is in a good mood so she’s not making anything of it. Be careful next time.” My stepchildren who are now young adults are protective of me like that.

There was a time when my husband’s department threw him a birthday party with a video presentation featuring the family. Because not everyone is privy to his life’s more personal parts, not all his children were included in the video. Our family dog was part of it though. I held our furbaby in my arms in the video greeting. Later, through channels and channels of ‘pass the message,’ we were confronted with the question, “How come the dog was in the video while his other kids were not?” Apparently, the bio mom was demanding an acknowledgment of her child in the video. My husband’s family even confronted me about this.

I did not dignify their question with an answer.

Like any other mother, a stepmother cannot have her guard up at all times. Walls come down and I submit to emotional vulnerability. What helps me is the peace I have at home and the comforting trust nurtured in my relationships with my husband nd my children, step and bio. I just remember that.

Then, I can just laugh it off and carry on.