Stepmothering and Sports: 4 Ways They Are Alike
The Stepmom is a coach, a referee, a cheerleader and a player in the game of family.
Inspired by Catherine and Glenn of Parenting Matters’ post on kids and sports, thoughts on how stepmotherhood is a lot like sports came to mind.
Why is this so?
A stepmom is a coach in the game of family.
She offers guidance and support. She encourages the husband and the children. She listens, builds trust, and sets goals. A stepmom empowers. But being a coach to stepchildren is tricky. She has to find the most opportune, coachable moments when the children need her coaching. She must know when to bring out her coaching clipboard and when to keep it out of sight. And like every sports coach, a stepmom is content enough to step back and watch the children happily thrive in their spotlight.
A stepmom is a referee in the game of family.
She mediates conflicts and enforces rules. She tries hard to maintain order in her household. She helps the husband navigate the ex-relationship. A stepmother also is adept at blowing her whistle to encourage boundaries to keep relationships healthy and meaningful. Like a good sports referee, she is prudent in her decisions and has her temper in check.
A stepmom is a cheerleader in the game of family.
Even when everything seems to be falling apart, with the shot clock winding down, a stepmom must always be a cheerleader as the most immediately available parent to her stepchildren. She celebrates achievements with them and more importantly, stays around during the lowest moments. As cheerleaders make high jumps and scream at the top of their lungs, a stepmom is dynamic enough to be a source of sunlight even in the most trying of times.
A stepmom is a player in the game of family.
A stepmom cannot escape being a player in the game. She must train herself, prepare herself emotionally and mentally. She is flexible and adaptable with the changing dynamics of a blended family life. She engages when she is called to step up. She sits back as a substitute when another player is called in. She may not always be the most valuable player but she makes sure she is at her best at any given playing time.
Mothers play these roles too. The context of stepmotherhood adds some twists and turns that make the game more interesting. Just like sports, stepmothers must be filled with energy and discipline, love and passion to keep playing.
And she enters a game that is already going on! She has to learn the rules which seem natural to the family that has been playing by them for years. Lessons that can be painful at first!
Thank you for the mention! And that's a big YES - I can totally see how step-parents play many roles, it's a lot like sports, and not always appreciated!