Supposedly

4 What Ifs of a Stepmom

Photo by Soroush Karimi on Unsplash

Everyone has their share of “what ifs.” Especially during life’s challenging moments.

My journey as a wife and stepmother is a crooked and bumpy one. It is during the ‘breakdown’ moments that I find myself in contemplation of some what ifs, some supposedly scenarios if life hadn’t thrown me the curve ball of raising a blended family.

Here are some and why I find myself asking them.

What if I didn’t stay home to raise a family?

I will probably be immersed in a job, working hard to achieve traditional, professional goals, spending hours and hours in enclosed work kingdoms, following orders of the boss, and appreciating myself for a job well done.

I ask this ‘what if’ whenever I feel unappreciated, thinking that somewhere out there, in a different world, it would likely feel nice to be regarded with commercial value again.

What if I didn’t quit my job?

I would have probably found the niche where I can soar places. I have always wondered, “What is it I want to do professionally and what am I good at?”

I think of this whenever I feel like I have failed. Temporary setbacks in mothering and lingering struggles in enterprising hit me hard like I have failed fully in the things I have chosen to do.

What if I didn’t shift to business?

I would probably have found something else to do while raising the family, especially during my younger years.

I think of this scenario whenever business struggles surround me especially during and after the pandemic. But then a business never really lacks struggles. There will always be some. I have developed nerves of steel, after more than 13 years of being in business.

What if I only had children of my own?

This one is quite personal. For many years, I have avoided this ‘what if."‘ Lately, it hounds me.

Perhaps, if I only had biological children, I have more bandwidth in terms of tangible time and heart space in rearing my own.

I entertain this thought whenever I see my child struggle, thinking if I had more time, if I had more resources, extrinsically and intrinsically, it would be a different story. The lingering question is, “Am I depriving my own child while loving my stepchildren?”

But I always close my doors to these ‘what ifs.’

Because I know unknown possibilities can only be healthy to some extent. It can lead to wasteful overthinking, unrealistic expectations, distraction from reality and worse, ungratefulness. I am human though, to entertain all this ‘supposedly’ thoughts.

As I close the doors to ‘what ifs,’

I go back to ‘what is.’

I am raising a family while in business.

I am not tied to a 9 to 5 job. If there was one thing that the business gave me, it is time affluence. With this, I was able to run the household, be in the children’s lives fully, and support my husband devotedly. I cannot count the times when I chose to run back home to my husband and the children because of family needs.

I wanted to push working in the store but when my youngest child had fever that did not go down after two days, I had to rush back home. I did so easily.

My father was bedridden for many years. The business afforded me time to be his caregiver. Cutting his toenails and giving him a bath in his bedridden state are some of the most meaningful accomplishments I hold dear.

At my mother’s loneliest moments after my father had passed, I am there to hold her hand and celebrate with her during her birthdays.

When the girls had major school trouble, I could readily be there for them to catch them when needed.

Every time my husband needed to talk over the phone as he was deployed, I could pick up his call anytime, without worry because I had the time to do so.

I am a stepmother.

No lingering ‘what ifs’ on this.

I’ve come to experience a love all on its own because I am one.