The Stepfamily Quilt
A Stepmother Redefines Family
A reading that stood out in my Family Life Science studies was Tamara Hareven’s “The History of Family and the Complexity of Social Change.” She drove three points that have stayed with me, all this time —-
She denied the “myth of the vanished family,” posturing that the family is always evolving, adapting to the needs of society economically, socially, demographically, and politically. This means there will always be families, albeit in different forms.
The family shapes and is shaped by the environment.
Families are active agents of change. They are not merely passive recipient of changes but active players as proven by complex dynamics in families themselves.
Today, families take on different forms as a response to historical evolution and the demands of the times. It has expanded beyond the traditional and nuclear definitions of family. There are extended families, solo-parent families, fur families, same-sex parent families, and blended families.
I look at my blended family as a pretty patchwork. A quilt is made up of carefully chosen fabrics, with diverse colors, patterns and textures. A blended family brings together unique individuals brought together by choice and circumstances. A quilt is stitched together in patience, passion and love. A blended family is hardly different where connections are nurtured in generous amounts of understanding and affection. A quilt is hardly linear. It is made up of different shapes and sizes. It is often misaligned, pieced together in contrasts and complements, but these imperfections make it perfect. I want to think that my family is the same. With the differences, misunderstandings and complexities, the family grows more beautifully. Like the quilt, as it stands the test of time, we cherish what we have.
I am living proof of Hareven’s beliefs on the family. My stepmothering experience teaches me that family is not a static entity, but an evolving reality that builds new relationships, welcomes new members and works toward meaningful connections. It is creating a life and a home that is not defined by roles or labels.
As in a family quilt, every stitch matters, every pattern counts. Put together in care, brought together by love, a blended family is a beautiful mosaic, shaping a story that is uniquely built together.
Our beds are significant pillars of our home. It is always nice to come home that cozy kind of comfort. There’s nothing sliding into the familiar scent and the affectionate feel of our sheets.
Hopefully Yours is a Substack publication by Connie Schultz. She is an award-winning columnist and best-selling novelist as much as she is a mother, wife, sister and grandmother. I really enjoyed reading her post titled, “The Democratic Family.” As I tried to redfine family here, I find that she has redefined family in more tangible terms. I hope to come up with my own similar definitions, as told by her stories.
