A Stepmom Story: When a Stepdaughter Gets Married

Will I Be There? Oh yes, I was there.

Photo by zelle duda on Unsplash

Before the wedding.

The good news is, I was invited to the wedding!

As my husband told me that we are going to his eldest child’s wedding, I smiled. “That’s nice,” I thought.

And then a wave of emotions came. Emotions that stepmoms rarely acknowledge out in the open as the easier option is to keep these feelings and questions buried inside.

But let me lay it all down here.

What would be my role? What would it be like meeting my husband’s ex (who isn’t in good terms with him) for the very first time? What will I wear? Where would I sit? Would my husband be allowed to give away his daughter? Who will be there? Will I join the photos? How will the family photo look? Will I be comfortable? (Yes, it is okay to ask this.)

I came to my mom and told her, “Mom, I’m going to his eldest child’s wedding! What should I do?” My mom, who was affectionately but brutally frank said, “Just go! Don’t make a scene. Know your place. play your part! Make sure you feel beautiful.”

That kept me in my place. For months, I wondered but controlled panic. I had to calm myself because I know my husband needed me most at this time. Having a silent relationship with his ex, he did not quite know what to expect.

But I promised to hold his hand throughout.

After the Wedding

So it turns out, like all of us adults should have known all along, the wedding was not about us. It is never about me, no matter the discomfort and hesitation.

The wedding was small and intimate. With the couple being miles away from us, it was the first time we ever met everyone. I saw my husband beam with pride every time guests speak so highly of his daughter. I felt his joy and pride as he immersed himself in the quality of people who attended the wedding. Each of the 20 guests had pure and immense love for the couple. How can we not behave?

Underneath the enchanting sequoia canopies, the bride walked arm in arm with her mother, after shedding shared tears only a mother and daughter will understand. Halfway through, she was walked down the aisle by my husband, her father. As he walked back to sit beside me, it was the bride and groom in the spotlight. It was their moment. Everyone else, including the parents and stepparents, siblings and step-siblings faded into the background.

There was only love all around. The lightness of it all left no room for any negative feeling.

As for me, I kept myself in check, extra aware of myself, discovering how I would feel in the midst of it all. I felt safe and beautiful. When I saw my husband’s former partner, I felt nothing different as with the other guests. I knew I was ok and all overthinking faded away.

The whole wedding was a beautiful moment of shared love, modern family or not.

And I was glad to be part of it.