Writing Beyond the Fairy Tale

A Stepmom's Writing Journey

Photo by Unseen Studio on Unsplash

Stepmom Magazine summarizes a stepmother’s life in its tagline, “Even when it’s good, it’s complicated.” This perfectly captures the essence of my life as a stepmom.

I entered Substack with the mindset of writing about the stepmother life on a more personal level. Though there are general musings here, I put my thoughts ‘out there’ to find people who can understand, if not relate to me.

But writing as a stepmother can be tricky, just as living a stepmom’s life is. Let me try to describe my writing process in my modest quest to share a stepmother’s voice.

Words are emotional but poker-faced.

A whirlwind of emotions sparks the words that I write. As experiences trigger raw emotions, I have to find the right words to share in order not to create the unnecessary drama expected of the stereotyped stepmother. As emotions arise, I write prudently to encourage clarity and positive self-expression.

A stepmom is vulnerable to sudden flooding of emotions but through this, she strives to appear composed and secure, or at least, poker-faced.

Writing can start off as ambiguous but must find its path to be discernable.

When I begin writing, everything seems vague and ambiguous. This is because I am in a state of possible confusion and uncertainty. Writing becomes a vessel for me to understand things. It allows insight and clarity which turns the vague beginnings to a discernable finish.

To me, the ambiguity keeps things very close to what is real and sincere.

Sometimes, writing starts at midsentence rather than the inception of a first word.

A stepmother’s life is vulnerable to changes, often spontaneous and unsystematic because of blended family dynamics. I entered family life in midsentence too, moving into an established family structure where dynamics are in place among the biological mom, the children, and my husband.

Beginning to write about stepmotherhood does not start with “once upon a time.” It often starts with, “…as the days passed, the challenges grew more daunting,” or “…as the story continues…”

On the brighter side, the story can still end with “happily ever after.” You write your own story, after all.

It is writing through a labyrinth of layers.

Complex and intricate. Relationships are woven together in one circuited whole. Maze-like dynamics in blended families indicate depth and potency. With this, the pursuit to write stepmother stories can be rich and textured as narratives are drawn out in the complexity of things.

I like the challenge of going through the layers and writing about it as simple as I can.

The ‘stepmother stereotype’ will always be present in the writing journey.

The wicked stepmom stereotype, the evil ex, or the comparison to fairy tales, labeling interference as negative. These are only some of the nasty perceptions toward stepmotherhood. In my own experience, my first encounters whenever I am introduced as a stepmother are always met with knowing glances and raised eyebrows.

When I write about the stepmom experience, it is always in the context of these stereotypes. It is my mission to help spread the word about the ‘good stepmother.’ Maybe it will help dispel odious rumors and misconceptions about the stepmom.

And yes, the world can be a better place when the words nurturing, caring, and loving can naturally be equated to the presence of a stepmother.

The Lady Tremaine stereotype.

A stepmother does not owe anyone an explanation but sometimes, explaining the situation helps.

You don’t owe anyone an explanation. More so, to write one. In certain situations though, it helps to explain, when made with wisdom. This helps balance personal autonomy and open communication.

In sharing a stepmother’s narrative, I write without the feeling of having to explain my situation. There is nothing more inauthentic than trying to rationalize the dynamics.

Rather, I tell my story, selecting details worth sharing, and framing my words from a personal perspective while conveying empathy to those who listen to my tales. I acknowledge that my perspective is not the sole consideration. I recognize the curiosity of others too.

Isobel, the ‘good stepmother’ in Stepmom

In this story, no one needs to be a villain.

Although nuances of characters exist and dynamics are complex, there is no need to single out one person to be the villain.

Writing about stepfamily life is a conscious process of focusing on empathy, understanding, and shared humanity while all family members work toward common relationship goals.

The stepmom story is a muddled exploration of challenges, blended family relationships, and individual growth. The collective journey towards harmony is a sputter of blended family scenes —- difficult at times, mostly fun, always rooted in affection. Writing about it can be meaningful and therapeutic. Holding on to my wits, I try to write with a pen bold enough to share my story, a heart full enough to share the love.